Need More Sunlight
June 2, 2008 Posted by Al Castle
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Categories: Castle, Squirrels
Tags: fat, gym, tanning
Back story: A few months ago I headed to my drive-thru medical practitioner to talk about my lethargy and mood. At the time the weather was dreary, but even when it’s not I tend to spend my time on the computer, in the basement, with the shades down. My sun light in-take is near mole people levels. So she had me goto the lab, where the technicians take turns trying to find a vein. (This usually takes 3-5 stabbings as my veins are oh so wily. One tech actually said that the vein “moved out of the way” just as she was about to stab it. Uh huh.) They ended up taking several tubes of my precious juice and on my next visit I was informed that I’m so vitamin D deficient I had to take prescription vitamin D. I didn’t know you could even get prescriptions for vitamins. One bloated, Nyquil looking pill a week, would give me some 50,000 units of vitamin D. In addition it was recommended I start using a tanning bed.
And that brings us to todays post. I have a gym membership that I’ve used only a couple times, but one of the benefits they have there are tanning facilities. So I headed on down for my first tanning session today, where they showed me how the thing works. All the beds were in use so I had to use the stand up unit, something that looked like a coffin/transporter/microwave all in one. I had to figure out how the stupid welding goggle things worked, then willfully stand buck naked in - The Device. There was a fear of pubes bursting into flames or burns on tender anatomy, but I figured I’d give it a go - besides running screaming naked through the gym with smoldering pubes sounded ridiculously fun.
They only let me nuke for about 4 minutes since it was my first time and afterwards I marveled at my growing bulk in the full length mirror. I don’t feel any more vitamin D-y, and I certainly don’t look any more tan.
As I headed out (clothed), past the mostly empty machines and pool I realized that I could have also worked out. I had only worn flipflops though, so lucky me I had an excellent excuse. Methinks that next time I’ll try to convince myself to do both while I’m there.
Comments»
aren’t your kind accustomed to getting sun while tending to the yard? Maybe that’s why you’re deficient.
Oh please. I hire Colombians to keep the grounds. Need a job?
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