The Road To Texas - Going Home
August 21, 2006 Posted by Al Castle
3comments Categories: Castle, PRWeb, Squirrels, Travel, gnash-teeth
Tags: swords, texas, ufos
My visit to Texas was hopefully one of my last. I’ve got another one coming up and I’m preparing myself mentally for the ordeal. We traveled from Dallas to Austin, including such fine luxury locations in-between as Waco, Arlington, and a few others I’ve been fortunate enough to forget. I should mention that our route was not direct and included an out of the way trip to meet a very nice couple who shared their home and hospitality. That strawberry short cake was the best I’ve had.
At 103 degrees upon landing and nothing but barren land, with the exception of what the natives call “Hill Country”, I didn’t see much of anything to make me want to come back. We didn’t spend anytime in the cities with the exception of a few restaurants and a local shop in Austin. It was 106 at this point, the streets were littered with debris and a bum was sleeping next to our car. In fact there appeared to be quite a few homeless people. I’m sure people from Texas, or those who love Texas are thinking that I just didn’t get to the good parts and that may be true, but I can only report on my experiences.
In fact the pinnacle of the trip came on day three as we made the four hour trek back to the Dallas-Fort Worth airport. We met two complete mental cases at a gas station in the middle of nowhere. This lady who worked there kept 
trying to sell us a gigantic lock-blade knife, stating that it was on sale for $20 - today only. Tomorrow the price would be $19.95 plus tax. While I’m sure those who lived in the area would jump on such a fine savings, I repeated for the zillionth time that while I was very interested in the fine items she had for sale, including the $39.95 junior samurai set, carefully arranged above the domestic beer display. The TSA and Homeland Security have violated my constitutional rights to carry an obscenely large and profanely engraved melee weapon aboard a domestic flight.
Todd was foolish enough to humor the femaloid and handled the blade, to which I informed him it was most likely a murder weapon which now bears his prints. Another patron came in and while I was hiding behind the chip display overheard her telling this newcomer how the UFO’s kept moving things at night. She recently tested her theory the night before by making careful note of where she had placed an item, only to have it moved by morning. As the patron made his frantic escape, she called out after him asking if he wanted “the spirit to touch him”.
The only thing that comes to mind which can best describe the feeling of the location, the people, the very vibe of the place is if you have watched Rob Zombies movie House of 1,000 Corpses. I kid you not I thought it was about to get really weird.
The reason I went to Texas is another matter. I’m reserving judgment on that until after my next trip in a week or so. I will say that it was a pleasant structure I was at, which just happened to be in the wrong part of the country. It would have been more ideal in the Northwest.
The Road To Texas
August 18, 2006 Posted by Al Castle
add a comment Categories: Castle, Insider, PRWeb, Squirrels, Travel, gnash-teeth
Tags: texas
The road to Texas started at the unholy hour of 3am when my alarm went off. I had to triple check my baggage to make sure that I’m not carrying anything from the Terrorist cookbook. Like whitening toothpaste, ocean breeze scented deodorant, and my Cool Water cologne. As I pull out of my driveway I mentally reviewed my packing, after about 3 blocks I realize that I’ve forgotten to put in any underwear. The important thing to note here is I actually debated if I really needed them. Not that I was planning on going commando - I don’t think the Texans would notice anyways - I just figured I could stop and buy some when we landed.
The practicality of making it to a mini-mall to grab some boxers didn’t seem good. And whats worse is the guys I’m traveling with being such good natured folk, would probably chip in and lend me tighty-whities, to which I would of course have to refuse, but doing so is a delicate matter. So despite being extremely tired and running late, I turn around and run inside to grab a handful of what I hope, are clean underpants.
I arrive at the office and meet David where we have brief discussion as to whether having the deodorant I’m wearing would subject me to an extra search. And if so, would they use a butter knife or one of those weird Kentucky Fried Chicken Sporks to scrape the deodorant from my underarms. I was running on little sleep and David hadn’t slept at all, so we really don’t try to tackle the theorization any further than that. I should also note that the picture to the left is a good representation to how I’m feeling right now. It’s taken in the Alaska Airlines Executive Suite where they have proper - free Internet access.
It’s been about an hour since we’ve seen Todd. I wonder if he made it past the butter knives.
